A Christmas Diddy

The other day, while taking a break from writing book number five, ’Twas the Night Before Christmas kept looping through my head. That, combined with memories from my years as a police officer, somehow collided and turned into the poem you’re about to read — a playful blend of holiday nostalgia and life in uniform.

’Twas the Shift Before Christmas

‘Twas the shift before Christmas, and all through the town,

Not a creature was stirring… but a man well renowned.

The alarm bells were chiming from rooftop to floor,

So Officer O’Malley raced right out the door.

He spotted strange footprints—boots, size enormous—

And muttered, “Great, burglars, what have we before us?”

But up on a rooftop, he heard such a clatter,

He drew out his flashlight to see what’s the matter.

A man slid down a chimney as smooth as could be,

With a sack full of loot—quite suspicious to see!

He whispered, “Ho-ho-ho!” as he crept in the house,

Sneaking around like a cheese-seeking mouse.

O’Malley burst in, badge shining so bright:“

Freeze! You’re on camera! You’ve got no legal right!”

The intruder spun ’round with cheeks rosy and plump—

Then tripped on a train set and fell on his rump.

“I swear I’m not stealing!” he said in a panic.“

My sleigh broke a runner, please call a mechanic!”

“You’re trespassing, sir,” the cop sternly stated,

“Breaking and entering—your plan was ill-fated!”

“But the milk and the cookies, they WANT me to take ’em.

And the toys in my bag? I don’t steal, I just make ’em!”

While the officer pondered this odd explanation,

The perp tapped his nose—some kind of evasion?

In a twinkling, O’Malley was suddenly freezing,

And poof—the cuffs vanished! (Hey, no fair cheating!)

The officer blinked; the man soared out of sight,

Calling, “Merry Christmas to all! I avoid jail tonight!”

O’Malley sighed deeply and radioed through,

“Dispatch, be advised, I cannot pursue.”

Then he looked to the stars with reluctant delight:

“At least that big guy didn’t give me a fight.”